The ABC's: Avengers Baking Cakes
by LoquaciousQuibbler
Summary: Misadventure of the Avengers. A simple trip to the grocery store (or maybe not-so-simple, but that's not the point) turns into a few choice people gawking at the cake display. Someone gets the idea that making a cake is a good idea… only problem? It's not really a good idea… Includes OC Naomi Carson.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Reader: this is a Misadventure of the Avengers. This means that it is one of many random stories for entertainment value only. This Misadventure will include my Original Character, Naomi Carson. You don't necessarily have to read my fan fiction starring her… just know that she, in the fan fiction, is an Avenger, and Loki's love interest. She is just one of the characters, and the story isn't focused solely on her, so you can enjoy this story without reading hers. Keep in mind that the Misadventures are purely entertainment, and don't necessarily have anything to do with the actual Avengers storyline. The Misadventures are meant purely to entertain the insanely bored Avengers fans, like myself. Guess that's all… continue… at your own risk. O.O

The ABC's: Avengers Baking Cakes

It started in the grocery store, like most great adventures in do-it-yourself-ing.

The Avengers used to send Tony to do the shopping. Well, Tony, being Tony, often forgot half the things on the list (mostly because he forgot the list and refused help from Jarvis), and ended up buying random things the Avengers didn't need (Loki and Naomi once found themselves with a box full of dating tip books, parenting tips, condoms, and pregnancy tests; Tony had been promptly punished with three hours of dangling out the top floor of Stark Tower's window by his ankles). So after a few shopping trip disasters from Tony, the Avengers assembled and assigned Clint to go with the billionaire to the store.

Well, as it turned out, Clint was almost as bad as Tony. The two had once come home with an entire cart full of action movies and video games. They had entirely forgotten the actual groceries, too busy in the electronics section. Another time, the Avengers had gotten a call from the store manager, requesting that someone come pick up the miscreants that had been causing havoc in the store. As it turned out, Clint had been keeping watch and playing sharpshooter on anyone unlucky enough to wander too close while Tony was busy rearranging the letters on a sign to say "Stark and Barton Rock".

Needless to say, someone had to be sent to keep them in line. Steve Rogers was the obvious choice; he was responsible and a natural leader. Everyone trusted him to keep Barton and Stark in line. Unfortunately, Stark and Barton were unruly, and therefore could not be ruled. After Rogers tried to keep them on task, he found himself locked in the men's bathroom. No one was even sure how the assassin and genius managed to pull that one off… the bathrooms normally locked from the _inside…_ But after all, they were an assassin and genius. Another time Steve was rather rudely chased out of the store by the manager while Clint and Stark rolled on the ground laughing. The troublemakers had convinced Steve that it was customary in the modern world to give a urine sample at the register so that the cashiers could verify your ID.

Thus, Naomi Carson was recruited to come with the other three Avengers for the grocery shopping, given that her sharp wit and commanding attitude around certain people should be enough to hold the others in line. On the other hand, if Naomi was going, then Loki simply had to go. And if Loki was going, Thor simply _had _to go.

And so it was that all the Avengers except Natasha Romanoff and Bruce Banner, along with Loki, were headed to the grocery store.

"Remind me again how we managed to get over half the team to be coming to the grocery store?" Tony said airily, looking curiously around the car as he drove.

"Eyes on the road, Stark," Rogers ordered.

"I think we'll lock you in the women's bathroom this time, Captain," Barton smirked, and Rogers immediately shut his mouth. Tony snickered and returned his eyes to the road.

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Okay, Stark… let me work this out for you. _You _have to come because you're the one with the credit card. _Clint _is coming to _supposedly _keep an eye on _you… _well, the two of you need an eye to be kept on you… therefore _Steve _evidently has to come. But somehow _I _have to come to keep an eye on _Steve _to make sure you two don't cause too much trouble for _him. _Somehow _my _coming automatically makes _Loki _come… and _Loki _coming automatically makes _Thor _come. So hence, there are now six people going to do a job that should only take one responsible person to do."

Loki snickered. "How many Avengers does it take to get groceries?"

Naomi smacked his shoulder warningly, but Loki only smirked.

"Did you guys ever use those condoms or pregnancy tests?" Tony taunted.

Both Loki and Naomi immediately blushed bright red. "No!" they exclaimed.

"You guys should really use protection…" Clint jeered wickedly.

"I think the only one who's going to need _protection _is you, Barton!" Naomi shook her fist threateningly at Hawk Eye while Loki was held back by Thor from leaping across the car and strangling Clint. Steve was actually blushing even brighter than Naomi or Loki.

After a rather… _interesting _car ride… they arrived at the grocery store and piled out.

Naomi gave all the boys the evil eye as Clint and Tony started whispering. "Alright… we are going to keep _focused _and just get this _done. _I am sick of there being nothing to eat in the tower." She marched to the front of the store, grabbed a grocery cart, and strode in.

The others followed like she was their mother and they might get grounded if they disobeyed her.

"Funny how the youngest Avenger is the only one who can keep us in line," Tony observed.

"Plus she's a girl, Loki's girlfriend, and her nickname is Hello Kitty," Clint added.

"I thought Miss Carson's nickname was Catwoman?" Thor asked in confusion.

"She has a ton of nicknames," Tony shrugged. "Like Eye of the Tiger, Cheetah Girl, Catwoman, Pussycat Doll, Thundercat, Hello Kitty, Kitty Purry, Aristocat, The Lion Queen, Crookshanks… yeah, and then her usual agent name the Huntress. SHIELD comes up with the stupidest code names."

Hawk Eye and Captain America glared. Loki just snickered while Thor smiled a little.

"Quit chatting," Naomi ordered, amber eyes burning into the boys. "Now. Let's get this done."

With Naomi as the leader, grocery shopping went relatively smoothly. Naomi deployed various boys to different aisles and got the list nearly completed in a reasonable amount of time.

"Okay, last things we need are in the bakery," she announced, leaning her whole weight against the cart, which was piled dangerously and impossibly high. Even with her whole body weight leaning against it, it didn't move.

"You're too small and slender," Loki teased, tapping her small arms.

Naomi grumbled as Thor took over the pushing of the cart.

"Okay, soo…" Naomi looked over the list. "Bread, tortillas, and donuts."

They made it to the bakery… but then things got out of control.

Somehow Naomi and Steve ended up standing alone while the others ran to the cake display excitedly, looking at it hungrily.

"Ooh! Look at that one! Strawberries and chocolate on top, brother," Thor grinned, gesturing to a cake.

"Or there's cupcakes, too," Clint announced, looking at the stacks of cupcake containers.

They continued jabbering about the various sweets for a moment while Naomi and Steve exchanged tired looks.

"I'll get them," Steve sighed, going to the cake display.

"Hey! Wait, Steve, no!" Naomi called after the Captain, but he didn't turn back, focused on the other Avengers and Loki. Naomi let out a low curse and went to the front of the heavy cart, very slowly pulling it with her as she leaned back with her hands on the front. "Stupid… boys…" she muttered as she yanked laboriously on the hefty grocery cart.

"But we want cake!" Loki glared at Steve, who was trying to convince the others to get bread and tortillas and donuts and nothing else.

"Thanks for the help, guys!" Naomi said mutinously as she approached, slowly pulling the cart with her.

Everyone glanced towards her.

"Sorry," Steve muttered, going and taking the cart from her.

"Naomi, we want cake," Loki announced impetuously. "But Steve said no."

Naomi rolled her eyes. "When did I become your mother?"

"Eww, incest!" Tony cackled at the couple.

Both grumbled.

"We still wish to partake in cake," Thor said brightly.

Tony smiled. "Since I'm buying, I say we can buy some cake."

Naomi sighed. "I've got a better idea. Since carrying a cake around is going to be way more trouble than it's worth, let's just make one. We'll grab a cake mix and make it when we get home."

Loki immediately seized her wrist. "Which way to the cake mixes, Naomi?" he demanded, dragging her away.

"They're so cute… and weird…" Tony fangirled.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Alright… lol I was rather bored… I've had bits and pieces of this fic floating randomly around on my laptop for a while, and I rediscovered it today and began working on it again. If all goes well, it shall have four chapters. Next chapter, we shall start with the actual cake-making… I just had these awesome visions of the Avengers grocery shopping, and had to share them all with you… hence the first several paragraphs of this chapter :P I hope you all liked that… **

**Anywho. I don't have a schedule for updating this story, but I have the first two and a half chapters done… so it shouldn't be long. So… keep in mind. This is purely humor and stupidity because I was… well, writer blocked on other stuff. So… if you would be so tolerant… **

**Please favorite, follow, and leave me a review or PM me. ;) **


	2. Chapter 2

*Thank you to my two reviewers on the first chapter. I'm glad you liked it lol

To Isa: eheheh yes, I suppose it does seem like Naomi is a single mother… of a bunch of men older than her… o_O lol

And now we get to the actual cake-making…

The ABCs: Avengers Baking Cakes

Two hours later, Naomi, Loki, Thor, and Tony were gathered in Stark Tower's kitchen.

Naomi held the box of cake mix (chocolate, of course) and read out the instructions.

"Does it say whether you just put in the whites, or the whole eggs?" Tony asked, pretending to have a clue about baking (which he, in actuality, had not the slightest inkling what to do).

Naomi consulted. "It says the whole egg. So let's preheat the oven, grease the pan, and get to work on the mix."

Tony went to the oven and set it.

"What are you doing, Stark?" Naomi asked exasperatedly.

"Turning on the oven…" he said slowly.

"No, you're turning on the stovetop," Naomi sighed.

"Huh? What's the difference?" he asked in confusion.

Naomi went over and turned the stove off. "Okay, the oven is the part that is the inside. You put something _in _the oven. You put stuff _on _the stove. So you've got to make sure you turn the right one on. And I thought you were a genius," she shook her head in exasperation.

Tony scoffed. "Yeah, I'm a genius. See, Naomi, the _smart _thing to do is just get someone else to do this stuff _for _you… therefore I am smart to have always been able to get other people to cook _for _me."

Naomi rolled her eyes and showed Tony how to set the oven to bake and sighed, turning to look at Loki and Thor, who were working on the other things.

"Loki, what the smeg are you doing?" she exclaimed, running over to him, where he was spraying the cake pan with cooking oil.

"Spraying the bottom of the pan with cooking oil," Loki said slowly. "That's what it says to do."

Naomi groaned. "Okay, when it says the _bottom… _it means the inside. Not the literal _bottom!_" she groaned. "Go wash it off. You're gonna set the kitchen on fire if you spray the outside bottom of the pan…"

Loki gave her a haughty look. "Well, the box should be more specific. Why doesn't it just say the _inside _instead of the _bottom? _It'd be more accurate that way… stupid mortals… making inaccurate instructions…"

"Why would you spray the outside of the pan, Loki?" Naomi asked tiredly.

"…To keep it from sticking to the oven rack?" he smirked.

"Go wash it, you moron," Naomi ordered, giving him a shove. "And you spray the _inside _of the pan so that the cake doesn't stick to it when it's done!" she added.

She then turned to see how Thor was doing with the cake mix. You couldn't mess _that _up, could you?

"Gah! _Thor!_" she shrieked, rushing over to him. "What are you-?!"

Thor blinked. "What? I have put the mix, the water, the oil, and the eggs into a mixing bowl, have I not?"

Naomi groaned. "Thor... you have to _crack _the eggs and put the _insides _into the mixing bowl!"

Thor frowned. "But you said you must put the whole egg into the mixture."

Naomi slapped her hand to her forehead. "Oh, my god…"

"Yes?" Loki asked cheekily from behind her.

"You can shut up," Naomi snapped, whirling around to look at her boyfriend.

Loki laughed. "Am I not a god, and am I not yours?"

Naomi rolled her eyes.

Thor made a disapproving hum. "Loki, you know we are not truly gods… we are simply from another realm, and the mortals of old worshipped us, but we are not gods."

Naomi feigned shock and took a step closer to Loki. "_You're not a god?!_" She seized the front of his shirt and brought him face to face with her. "You _lied _to me?!"

Loki stared at her, surprised by her evident anger.

Naomi shoved him away. "_How dare you!_"

"Hey, it was his stupid plan!" Tony jumped in.

"My plan? My plan was to _lie low… _Your plan was to run off! And be all 'oh, look at me, look at me, I'm a god!'" Naomi pretended a pompous walk.

"That's not true!" Tony cried.

"NO? Who are you kidding?" Naomi snorted. "You're buying your own con!"

"At least I'm not dating mine!" Tony snickered, then gestured to Loki.

"I-!" Naomi paused in her angry countenance. "Ooh… low blow…"

Tony and Naomi immediately burst into raucous laughter. Meanwhile, Thor and Loki looked lost. They did not know that the mortals had just reenacted a scene from the movie _The Road to Eldorado. _

Naomi straightened. She cleared her throat. "Ahem. Um… Eggs. Take them out of the mix, Thor, and you have to break them in half and let the liquid part go into the mixture."

Thor looked confused. He gingerly poked his fingers into the mess of mix, water, and oil. He extracted two whole eggs, covered in oil and cake mix.

"That's so disgusting," Naomi muttered. "You know how to crack an egg?"

"Certainly," Thor smiled. He raised his hand, holding both the eggs.

"Oh, crap, Thor, don't-!" Tony started to stop him, but too late.

Thor threw the eggs at the floor, and both shattered and splattered egg whites and yolk all over. Thor looked rather proud. "I have now cracked the eggs."

Naomi groaned. "This… is… a … disaster…" She muttered, pressing her hands to her forehead.

Loki cleared his throat quietly, and Naomi looked up. He was holding two new eggs, fresh from the carton.

"Shall we… crack the eggs properly?" he asked tentatively.

Tony smiled. "Aw…"

Naomi sighed. "Okay, I'll show you guys…" She took one of the eggs from Loki's hands and took it to the mixing bowl. She expertly tapped it firmly on the corner of the counter twice, pressed her thumb against the crack that formed, and split the two halves over the mixing bowl, the whites and yolk dropping inside neatly.

Thor, Tony, and Loki all looked impressed.

"Okay," Naomi sighed. "Now.. I'm going to get another bowl, and you guys can practice." She had mostly calmed herself. Until she went to get another bowl from the cabinets, and slipped in the remains of the eggs that Thor had smashed. Her arms pinwheeled, and she fell backwards, landing on her rear unceremoniously amongst the shells and yellow liquid. She was stunned, simply shocked that she had suddenly gone from standing to sitting on the floor.

Loki, Tony, and Thor all burst into laughter.

Naomi blushed, and she fought to get to her feet. She slipped once more as she tried to regain her balance, and landed on her hands and knees. It took her one more try to stand dup fully, and then she glared tearfully at the boys, who were now doubled over with laughter, collapsing against each other.

"You guys are being jerks!" Naomi spat, wiping her eyes quickly in an attempt to not show her frustration. "If you guys are so smart, then make the cake yourselves."

She stormed out of the kitchen, and the boys immediately stopped laughing. They exchanged worried glances.

"Do you think… perhaps… we should not have laughed at her?" Thor asked softly.

"What was your first clue, oaf?" Loki spat.

"Loki, quit being rude. You were laughing, too…" Tony accused. "In fact, you were laughing harder than either of us, and she's your girlfriend! So you have no excuse to yell at us for laughing at her…" Tony snickered. "Falling in the… eggs…" he snickered again. "Did you see her face when she slipped?!"

Loki and Tony burst into giggles again.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Aww… poor Naomi… just trying to help the clueless boys, and just getting laughed at for her trouble… I mean, it wasn't even her fault. **

**Yeah… I figured Tony wouldn't really have a clue how to cook, because he's rich and can always get someone to do it for him, and can afford to eat out all the time. As for Loki and Thor, they're princes. They probably never had to cook… (And this is purely movie stuff. I know inn the mythology the gods always went out in the wilderness and made their own way… anyways). **

***sigh* anyways… so… now Naomi has ditched the boys. Will they be able to manage to make a cake on their own? Bets, anyone? Bets? Find out next chapter how well **_**that **_**goes down… ;) **

**Please favorite, follow, and be so kind as to leave a review. **


	3. Chapter 3

The ABC's: Avengers Baking Cakes

Only Thor remained serious, looking disapprovingly at his friend and brother as they laughed at the thought of Naomi slipping in the eggs. But Thor was still focused on, one, finishing the cake, and two, Naomi's feelings.

"Loki, Stark, do you not think that we should go and apologize?" he chided.

Tony and Loki paused and considered. Tony only considered a moment before relapsing into another fit of giggles. Loki remained sober, though, and looked around the kitchen.

"No… she won't help us anymore. I know her. If we go beg her forgiveness, she'll simply stand by her word and make us do it ourselves. It's up to us to finish the cake," the god of mischief said solemnly.

The suggestion made Tony stop laughing immediately. "Um… Reindeer Games? We can't make a cake. That's why we had Naomi in here telling us what to do and how to do it."

Loki threw him a glare. "Yes, until we laughed at her and drove her away. Therefore, we are now on our own. You're a genius, right, Stark?" He shoved the mixing bowl towards him across the island in the middle of the kitchen. "_Do something smart._" He spat mutinously.

Stark, affronted, shoved the mixing bowl back towards the demigod. "_You _do something smart, Mr. God-of-Everything-that-is-Cunning-and-Awesome! That's your title, right?"

Loki smirked. "Never heard it put quite that way, but that's the general idea… I'm going to appeal to Odin and have that added to my list of titles."

Tony just let out a growl of annoyance and picked up the mixing spoon in the bowl. He flicked it towards the god. A globule of chocolatey mix splatted on his cheek.

Loki's mouth dropped open, offended beyond belief. "_How dare you?!" _He launched himself over the island and tackled Stark to the ground.

The only thing that kept the bowl of mix from falling off the counter as Loki bumped it jumping over was Thor, catching it as it started to tip towards the ground. He let out a sigh of relief as the contents remained inside the bowl. He gently set the bowl back on the counter and turned to the god and billionaire wrestling on the ground.

Loki had managed to pin Tony on his stomach, one arm pinned behind him at a painful angle, and the god himself was sitting on Stark's back, demanding that Stark admit the god of mischief was superior, and that he had been defeated.

"You have not defeated me!" Tony protested.

Loki twisted Stark's arm painfully. "Stark, I have you trapped!"

"You can't trap justice; it's an idea! A belief!"

"Even the most powerful beliefs can be corroded over time!"

"_Justice _is a noncorrosive metal!" Tony said smugly.

"But it can easily be melted by the heat of revenge!" Loki spat.

"But revenge is best served cold."

"It can be easily reheated in the microwave of evil!"

"I think your warranty's about to expire!"

"Maybe I got an extended warranty," Loki shot back.

"Warranties are invalid if you don't use the product for its intended purpose!"

"Loki! Stark! Please stop your fighting. Loki, let Mr. Stark up so we may finish our cake," Thor begged.

Both men looked up from the floor and saw the god of thunder. Grumbling, Loki released Tony and stood.

"You've seen _Megamind, _huh?" Tony smirked.

Loki blinked slowly. "…What?"

Tony stared. "You… _haven't _seen…?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Yes, Stark, I have. Naomi made me watch it, claiming I am like Megamind. I beg to differ."

Tony snickered. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Now.. Cake."

Loki absentmindedly wiped the chocolate mix from his cheek. "Yes. Cake."

"We need to put another egg in the cake mix," Thor reminded them.

"Hmm…" Tony rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Yeah, I'm not sure about that… can either of you guys crack an egg properly?"

"Naomi just showed us how," Loki said snarkily.

"Yes… that doesn't mean you can do it," Tony raised his eyebrows. "Obviously, we're not letting Thor do it…"

"I am beginning to regret laughing Miss Carson out of the kitchen," Thor sighed drearily.

Loki scoffed. "_I'll _be the one who's going to pay for it… I'll have to actually be _nice _for a month to make up for this," he sighed.

Thor gave him a disapproving look. "You should _always _be nice to your lady."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Uh huh. Now what are we going to do about this cake?" he gestured to the questionable batter. "We need to crack another egg, and then we need to mix it, and then we need to put it in the pan, and then we have to put it in the oven, then we have to take it out of the oven, then we have to let it cool, then we have to frost it, then we have to cut it. We have a lot to do."

Tony and Thor blinked blankly.

"…You lost me after cracking another egg," Tony deadpanned.

Loki huffed. "Brilliant. Some genius."

"Alright, what's _your _idea, smart guy?!" Tony demanded.

Loki looked superior. "I just told you. Crack an egg, mix the batter—"

"We don't need you to repeat everything!" Thor protested. "Now… cracking an egg…"

Loki and tony looked at each other.

"Alright…" Tony nervously went to the carton of eggs and plucked one out. He looked at it like a bomb and he carefully walked over to the mixing bowl.

"Wait!" Loki cut in. "Naomi said we should practice before we put it right into the mix. What if you crush it and shell gets into the mix?"

Tony scoffed. "I won't get shell in it… It'll be okay." He gently tapped the egg on the edge of the counter. He inspected the shell and tapped it a little harder. He smirked in satisfaction when it cracked very slightly. "See?" he held up the egg smugly. "Now it has a crack just like Naomi's did."

Thor and Loki exchanged unimpressed looks.

"Now can you get the little insides into the batter?" Thor asked, sounding unconvinced.

Tony looked at the batter unsurely, at the neat ball of yellow-orange swimming in a valley of the chocolate mix where Naomi had dropped it. All he had to do was open his egg and drop his own little ball of yellow-orange in there with the yellowish liquid. He could do that. "I can do that," he said to himself more than Loki and Thor.

He placed his thumbs on either side of the crack on the egg and tried to tug the halves apart. Nothing happened. "Hmm…" he pushed on the crack a little, and he felt the shell give. He pushed his thumbs into the crack further and then pulled them apart.

White shell shattered and ran down with the yolk into the mix. Stark was left with a handful of white egg shards covering his fingers, along with the dripping innards of the egg.

The two gods rushed over and peered over the genius's shoulder into the batter.

"Bloody fantastic, Stark," Loki drawled. He slowly clapped his hands. "Congratulations; you have just ruined our cake batter utterly."

Tony glared. "I'd like to see _you _crack an egg!"

"I can't!" Loki protested. "However, I don't pretend otherwise!"

"What are we going to do with this batter?" Thor asked helplessly. "Surely we cannot eat it, with the eggshell in it…"

"Maybe we can just pick out the shell," Loki said thoughtfully.

The three peered into the bowl.

"There's an awful lot of egg shell," Thor said unsurely.

"We can just pick them out," Tony nodded determinedly.

Loki nodded in assent. "I'm determined to get this done."

Six hands immediately dove into the bowl and started to try and pick out bits of white.

"Loki! You just flicked the powder everywhere!" Tony accused. "Now you've just covered up half the shell bits!"

"Not my fault!" Loki hissed. "Thor's big stupid paddles he calls hands got into the way!"

"Well, now half the shells are lost in the mix!" Tony huffed. "So _now _what do you suggest, oh mighty god of all that is brilliant and clever?"

Loki grimaced, looking at the mess of oil, water, egg, chocolate cake mix, and egg shell. "Well… we could just… mix it. And then bake it. I mean…" He frowned and shrugged. "Surely a couple of egg shards won't be that bad?"

The other two shrugged in agreement. "I like my cake crunchy, anyway," Tony muttered.

Thor grabbed the mixing spoon. Soon the eggs were running, breaking, and mixing with the water, oil, and mix into a chocolatey smooth concoction.

Tony looked in once most of it was mixed. "Hey, you can't even see the egg shards anymore… I think we'll be okay, right?"

Loki nodded vigorously. "No one has to know that a certain someone left egg shell bits in the cake."

Tony glared.

Thor continued mixing, looking worriedly at his brother and friend. "Please do not tackle each other to the floor again…" He looked at the mix. "Do you think this is mixed well enough?"

They all looked into the bowl. There were still chunks of powder that had not been mixed properly. Some yellow streaks still ran through the otherwise-brown substance.

"Perfect," Loki announced, grabbing the pan and setting it on the counter.

Tony pursed his lips. "Um… I think it needs to be mixed up more…"

"Um… I think you were the one who was so proudly cracking an egg and then managed to crush the entire thing into our beautiful cake," Loki snapped. "Therefore your argument is invalid. So shut your mouth." He grabbed the mixing bowl from Thor and started to tip it so the mix would run into the pan.

"Hey! No! _Listen _to me!" Tony ordered, grabbing the pan and sliding it away so the batter would not end up in it just yet. Unfortunately, Loki had already started pouring… so the cake mix instead landed on the marble counter.

"Argh!" Loki quickly stopped tilting the bowl, but already a third of the batter was on the counter, and was starting to drip onto the floor. "Stark! See what you made me do?!"

Tony looked in dismay at his now-chocolatey counter. "Dang it, Loki… I was just going to say that the mix needs more actual mixing… you didn't have to go pouring cake mix all over my counter."

Loki huffed. "You didn't have to go and _seize _the pan I was about to pour it into!"

"No! The stuff needs to be mixed more!"

"Does not!" Loki insisted. "Now give me the pan and let me pour—"

"Let you pour half of a cake into the pan?" Thor asked tiredly. "Loki, now most of the batter is unusable, as it is on the counter… I think our plan to make a cake has failed entirely."

Tony and Loki both shook their heads. "Here, I can fix that problem…" Tony rushed over to Loki, grabbed the mixing bowl, and began using his hand to sweep the cake batter that had landed on the counter back into the bowl.

Loki and Thor looked on, disgusted. "Stark, that was just on the counter… you're putting it back into the mixing bowl now?"

Tony shrugged, wiping the rest of the mix into the bowl. "Well, baking it kills all the germs anyway. I think we'll be okay…" he inspected his counter and the bowl. "Hmm. Well, I didn't manage to save it all…" he glanced down at the mix that had dripped to the floor. "But now we've at least got five sixths of a cake. So… give me the mixing spoon."

Sighing, Loki handed it over and Tony mixed the batter to his liking.

Then Thor took the bowl and did the honors of pouring it into the cake pan. Tony opened the preheated oven, put the pan in, and then all three of them peered into the oven.

Loki grabbed the cake box and inspected the back of it. "It says thirty minutes. So… in thirty minutes, we can take it out. Then we must let it cool. Then we can frost it…" he paused and glanced at Tony and Thor. "Actually, no. Let's not frost it. Norns know _that _won't end well… but then we can finally serve it."

The three of them sat on the kitchen floor in front of the oven as they waited.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: 'Ello, everyone! Good god, did anyone else have a heart attack when the site was down yesterday? I swear, I tried to log on yesterday morning, and it wouldn't let me, and I think I popped a couple neurons -_- so sad the entire day… lol anyways. **

**Well, Thor, Loki, and Tony should not… ever… bake… especially not without Naomi XD yikes, what a disaster… **

**I've got one more chapter to write, and then we'll be done with this little story of utter randomness and humor. ;) **

**Please favorite, follow, and review. **


	4. Chapter 4

***Hey you guys! I know it's been a little while since I updated this story… but well, here's the last chapter of our cake-baking antics. **

The ABC's: Avengers Baking Cakes

Chapter 4

Thor, Tony, and Loki sat on the floor in the kitchen, waiting for the cake to be done. Well, no, not really. Thor was actually lying on the floor, possibly asleep (he _was _drooling slightly on the floor and snoring very lightly). Tony was leaned back, propped against the counter as he licked the bowl which had once contained the cake batter. Only Loki was still sitting on the floor in front of the oven, staring stoically at it like a cat staring at a goldfish.

Tony removed his face from the mixing bowl and looked up at Loki. "Hey Reindeer Games. Is it almost done?"

Loki looked away from the oven for the first time in about a half hour. He made a face when he saw Tony. The billionaire had some cake batter on the tip of his nose, and in his facial hair. "Stark, wash your face," Loki quipped. "And I think it's almost done. I think," he repeated, looking back at the oven and the cake within once again.

"Hmm," The genius absentmindedly swiped his hand across his chin and nose to clean it of the batter before he crawled over to the oven, peering inside. "Maybe." He turned to look at the snoozing Thor. "Hey, Thor!"

Thor sat up with a start, his snoring cutting off abruptly as he blinked blearily. "Wha-? To battle?" he slurred tiredly.

Loki and Tony exchanged wry looks and just shook their heads in exasperation.

"No, oaf," Loki chastised. "We just need to take the cake out of the oven."

Suddenly Thor jumped to his feet and rushed over to the oven. "Out of the way so that I may remove the glorious cake from the oven!" he ordered, trying to shoo Loki and Tony.

Loki and Tony scooted away, still sitting on the floor as they did so. Thor attempted to open the oven as you would a regular door with the hinges on the side. After a moment of fruitless efforts on that front, he realized that the door swung downwards instead of to the side. _Then _he threw the oven door open and peered inside.

"Indeed, our cake looks superb!" he chirped proudly as he reached forward to seize it.

In unison, Loki and Tony shouted, "Thor, don't-!"

But they were cut off by Thor's howl of pain as his hands made contact with the superheated glass cake pan, and he jumped back, yelping. "AAAUUUGGGGHHH IT BUUUURNSSSS USSSSS!" Thor shrieked as he waved his burning hands in the air like he might be trying to fly.

Loki, still seated on the tile floor, scooted himself out of the way of Thor, who had begun running around in circles. He sighed as he watched with vague interest. "Well… we _tried _to warn him," he said fairly to a slightly-frightened looking Tony, who had ducked behind the island in the kitchen.

Tony gave Loki a disapproving look. "Thor, buddy," he attempted to approach the thunder god, but jumped back as Thor flailed his burnt hands around once again.

"_Your mortal contraption has attacked me!" _Thor shouted, and both the other occupants of the kitchen clapped their hands over their ears, wincing, as Thor's booming voice was nearly loud enough to shake the tower.

"Thor, calm down!" Tony ordered exasperatedly. "Just… _here, _you idiot!" the genius jumped forward and grabbed Thor's upper arm, dragging him over to the sink to wash his hands in cold, cold, cold water. "And it didn't _attack _you, Thor, you just burned yourself…"

"But—but—" Thor whimpered piteously as the frigid water ran over his hands, helping to soothe the burning sensation.

"But nothing, Thor," Loki said haughtily. "We _tried _to warn you…"

Thor just sniffed, and Loki sighed.

"Now," Tony said dilatorily as he carefully patted Thor's red hands dry with a towel. "We still need to take the cake out of the oven." He glanced over at the oven, which was still open. "I know Pepper and Naomi keep some oven mitts in here somewhere for when they cook…" Experimentally, he pulled open a drawer. "Towels…" he moved to the next drawer. "…Silverware…" Next drawer. "…" He held up a whisk. "…I don't even know what that is…"

Loki rolled his eyes and stood from the floor, checking a few more drawers. "Toothpicks… meat thermometer… recipe book… more kitchen towels… plastic containers for leftovers…" Loki held up a two-pronged fork, used for sticking roasts or steaks, and smirked, glancing at Thor. "…might be useful at some point in the future…"

"What's useful?" Tony called from where he sorted through an assortment of salad spoons and tongs he was fairly sure he'd never seen in his life.

"Nothing. I was _not _just insinuating I would be willing to use a sharp two-pronged item to torment my brother," Loki said innocently, closing the drawer again. "No luck with finding an oven mitt, Stark?"

"No. You?"

"If I had any luck, I wouldn't be asking you," Loki pointed out.

"If we cannot find the mitts of the evil oven, then how are we to remove our cake from its torturously fiery captivity?" Thor queried, cradling his hands as he looked fretfully between Tony and Loki.

"Hmm." Tony frowned, peering around the kitchen. "Loki, you're a frost giant, right? If your hands are so cold, then the heat shouldn't bother you, right?"

Loki pulled a face, glaring at the billionaire mutinously. Thor froze, looking very uncomfortable at having Loki's true heritage brought up. "Ah… Stark…" Thor started to say worriedly.

"_No," _Loki snapped. "My frost giant heritage means I don't mind the cold. And it means I'm supersensitive to heat. Undereducated idiot calls himself a genius," he grumbled under his breath with a note of finality as he crossed his arms and gave Tony a superior look.

Tony snickered. "Supersensitive to heat, huh? Funny; Naomi seems to think you're pretty… _hot!" _he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows in a sort of 'eh? Eh? Get it? Get it?' way.

Thor attempted to facepalm, but his singed hands stung, so he had to merely resort to rolling his eyes and shaking his head while Loki double-facepalmed.

"Horrendous puns aside," Loki said. "We need to get the cake out of the oven. Any _more _brilliant ideas?"

Silence as they all contemplated.

"Ooh!" Tony clapped his hands. "Be right back!" He dashed madly out of the room, his sneakers squealing on the tile floor as he rounded a corner somewhere in the distance. The two gods looked at each other with wry confusion at the other man's sudden disappearance.

They didn't have to wait too long to find out what Tony's idea was, though, because soon he was running back inside, waving his hands wildly around to demonstrate…

"The Iron Man hands?" Thor asked in surprise.

"Yeah, the Iron Man hands!" Tony said excitedly. Indeed, he had the metal of the Iron Man hands encasing his fingers and palms so that it looked like he was wearing some kind of strange gauntlets. "They should be able to withstand the heat just fine…"

Thor looked dubious while Loki was nodding in understanding. "Ah… Stark?" Thor asked. "Should we really have to resort to using your high level of technology to simply take a cake out of an oven?"

"Says the man whose hands are throbbing with severe first-degree burns," Loki retorted.

"Yeah, maybe we _shouldn't _have to resort to high-tech solutions like Iron Man gloves," Tony said thoughtfully, looking at his red-and-gold metal hands. "…But on the other hand, that's what we're doing." He turned back to the still-open oven. "Here goes nothing…" He reached forward and took a careful grip on the sides of the glass pan. He waited for a moment, as if testing that it wouldn't suddenly catch fire. "Hey! The Iron Man gloves make awesome oven mitts!" he announced proudly, lifting the pan and starting to set it on the wooden part of the counter.

"Wait!" Thor and Loki exclaimed at once.

Tony almost dropped the cake in surprise at their yelling. "Dude! _What?!" _

"Don't set it on the _wood," _Loki scolded.

"You might damage the counter," Thor said sternly.

Tony blinked, sighed, and returned to the oven so he could set the cake pan on the clear stovetop.

"Oh, good," Thor said when the cake was set on the stovetop without incident. Tony leaned down and closed the oven door again, and all three of them crowded around the cake.

"…Are we supposed to turn off the oven now?" Tony asked no one in particular, a bit unsure. They all looked at each other.

"…Perhaps?" Loki shrugged. "Do you know _how _to turn it off?"

All three of them peered at the various knobs and buttons on the appliance. "Hmm."

"That one?" Loki pointed to one of the buttons.

"…That says self-destruct sequence…" Tony said flatly.

"Well, I thought it might be an interesting option," Loki said slowly.

"Why would your food-preparing device have a self-destruct sequence?" Thor asked curiously.

Tony shrugged. "…Cuz I'm awesome? Besides, I totally forgot about that function… I never use this thing… This one?" he pointed to a dial that was turned to 350. "I think we have to turn this back to the top, like the other ones, to turn the oven off."

Thor tentatively reached forward, as if he was worried that the oven might burn him again. He smiled in triumph when the dial didn't burn him, and he yanked the dial in an attempt to turn it to the very top. The dial snapped off.

"Shoot," Tony breathed in horror.

"…Blast it, Thor," Loki cursed as they stared at the knob in Thor's hand. "Initiate self-destruct sequence?" he asked hopefully.

"No! Just… leave it, and no one has to know," Tony said. He grabbed the knob from Thor's hand and delicately placed it where it had been before, though it was no longer quite attached to the inner workings as it should. "…That never happened…" Tony put an Iron Man-gloved finger to his lips. "Agreed?"

"Agreed," Loki and Thor said solemnly. "Now… the cake?"

They looked down at the glass pan. "Frosting's on the counter," Tony said half-heartedly. "But… I'm not sure how that's gonna go."

"Is one supposed to frost one's own piece of cake?" Thor suggested. "It seems a good idea to cut the cake and then frost one's piece of cake to their liking."

The other two nodded.

"That's not how they do it in the stores," Tony said thoughtfully. "But really, they should, shouldn't they? So much more convenient for everyone rather than scraping off the frosting if you don't like it, or just not having a satisfying amount on your piece… I like that idea. Let's cut it and frost it ourselves for our own pieces."

"In that case, we should cut the cake," Loki reasoned. "Stark?"

"I've got a pizza cutter somewhere," Tony said helpfully. "I found it while we were looking for oven mitts." With this, he pulled off the Iron Man hands and set them on the kitchen counter as he bounced over to a drawer and pulled out the pizza cutter; a circular sharp blade on a handle.

"You use that to cut cakes?" Thor asked.

"Well, we use it to cut pizza," Tony said fairly. "Seems to make sense we would use it to cut cake, too." He went over to the cake pan again and looked at the cake critically. "Hmm. Wonder which way you're supposed to do this?"

"Make small square or rectangular pieces," Loki suggested.

Tony rolled his eyes. "No, really? I thought we were supposed to just pluck out handfuls and make cake balls to throw at each other?"

"That sounds enjoyable!" Thor proclaimed, reaching forward and digging his fingertips into the surface of the cake, taking a small handful of cake.

"Thor!" Tony and Loki shrieked in terror.

"Hmm," Thor said thoughtfully as he rolled his handful of cake into a ball. "It's a tad warm. But an interesting texture." He smiled and tossed it at Tony, whose mouth hung open. The little chocolate cake ball hit Tony's arc reactor and then dropped to the floor, rolling in lazy circles before coming to a stop. Thor smiled. "That is _quite _enjoyable. Perhaps you should try it, brother?"

Tony and Loki exchanged disbelieving looks. "Did he just…" Tony asked slowly. Loki just nodded wordlessly. "Sarcasm's not his strong suit, is it?" Tony asked slowly. Loki shook his head wordlessly.

Thor was looking confused at his companions' dumbstruck faces. "…Did I do it wrong? Are you supposed to take bigger amounts of cake to roll into a ball and throw at each other?"

Tony's face hardened into a glare. "Yes. Yes, Point Break, you did it wrong. What you're _supposed to do is this…" _He turned back to the cake, grabbed a large handful of the puffy sweet bread, molded it into a sloppy ball in his hands, and then pushed it into Thor's face, rubbing it in ferociously. "You _idiot! _Like _this!" _he shouted.

Loki took this opportunity to take a small pinch of cake and cram it into Tony's ear. "Or that, too. You could do it like _that." _

Tony shrieked at the weird feeling of warm cake being shoved into his ear. "_Loki!" _he squealed. He grabbed a handful of cake and slammed his hand down on top of Loki's head so that chocolatey crumbs were embedded in the god of mischief's hair.

"Friends!" Thor exclaimed excitedly, his face covered in brown crumbs. "What about like this?" he grabbed some cake and dropped some down the back of Tony's shirt, and then some down the back of Loki's.

"Hey!" Tony squeaked shrilly. He reached for a handful of cake and paused. "Ah… is it supposed to be all goopy and mushy there in the center of the cake?" he asked dilatorily.

The gods leaned closer to peer at the cake. Indeed, the center and bottom of the cake was awfully mushy and partially liquid. "Ah… perhaps it is undercooked," Loki frowned.

"But mushy cake makes for better cake balls, I believe," Thor observed, swiping his hand through the undercooked cake batter and wiping it on Loki's forehead and cheek.

"Augh! Thor!" Loki protested, covering his own hand in the mush and then running it through Thor's golden locks, streaking it with brown.

A few more minutes passed wherein the kitchen was covered with cake crumbs and uncooked batter alike, and all three men (who really acted more like children) were smeared with the same concoction until they looked like they had just come out of a mud pit.

When the cake pan was almost empty and all of their clothes and hair were practically irreparable, Thor and Loki teamed up to push Tony's face into the gooey remains in the cake pan. And then, when they finally released him (after a lot of muffled shouting on Tony's behalf) they looked around at themselves and the kitchen.

"Ah… this may be a problem," Loki said uncomfortably.

"…Yes, this may be… a difficult problem to correct," Thor grimaced at the mess of a kitchen and themselves.

"…I'm a dead man," Tony said simply. "Pepper's gonna murder me, and Naomi will volunteer to help."

"…Well, maybe if we…" Thor delicately swept a few crumbs from the counter and his shirt into his hand and then dropped it back into the cake pan. He plucked a sizable chunk of cake off the floor and also dropped it back into the cake pan. He next drew a few crumbs out of Loki's hair and put it into the cake pan before pushing all the crumbs together into a small rectangular piece. "…Do you think this is edible?"

Loki and Tony peered closely at the makeshift piece of cake.

They looked at each other, at their clothes, hair, and the kitchen around them.

"…Well…" Tony said thoughtfully. He reached forward and pinched a nibble of cake off of Thor's shoulder. He popped it into his mouth and grimaced. "…Yeah, there's the eggshell bits… those are actually surprisingly noticeable…" he chewed a bit more. "…And there's a bit of lint, to…" He gagged. "…hair gel, I think…" he finally spat out the little mouthful. "…Eww. I'm not so sure that's edible."

"Then what in the nine realms are we going to do?" Thor asked helplessly as he abandoned the idea of repiecing the entire cake together from the scattered remnants.

Loki sighed. "…I still want cake. But since _you two _ruined it…"

"We did not ruin-! Well, okay, we ruined… but _you _helped!" Tony accused. "So what we going to… We'll think of something." He was pacing back and forth over the smashed cake that was still scattered on the tile floor. "We'll always think of something. We're superheroes, right?"

Thor nodded vigorously. Loki just raised an eyebrow dubiously.

"…And/or supervillains," Tony amended. "In either case, we're super. We'll think of something."

00000

"_Shh! You guys, they're coming!" _Naomi whispered to the other Avengers. The orange-haired young woman quickly closed her laptop and tried to act natural, as did Bruce, Natasha, Clint, and Steve.

All of them pretended to look up in surprise when Thor, Tony, and Loki entered the room.

"Ahem. Our cake has been prepared, and is ready for consumption," Thor announced.

"In English, that means 'come get cake,'" Tony clarified.

"Sweet!" Clint grinned. "…You guys managed on your own?"

"Certainly," Loki scoffed. "Do you think us incompetent of simply baking a cake?"

"Well, we had our doubts," Steve smiled slightly.

"Yeah, I have to admit I wasn't entirely sure you guys were up to the task," Bruce nodded.

"Well, baking a cake is no sweat for a couple of gods and a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist," Tony shrugged easily. "So you guys should come and get some, huh?"

Everyone rose from their seats and followed Tony out of the room. They entered the kitchen, which was perfectly spotless. On the stove was a glass cake pan, which held a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. It was cut into moderately-even little pieces, and there were dessert plates and silverware on the counter so everyone could serve themselves. All the Avengers crowded around the oven and took a piece of cake before spreading out to sit and eat.

"I have to say, I'm pretty impressed," Natasha smiled at the "chefs."

Thor, Tony, and Loki all exchanged smug looks. Meanwhile, Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Steve, and Naomi exchanged tragic smiles and head-shakes.

Loki found his place sitting on the edge of the counter with Naomi. "You thought we wouldn't be able to make a cake without you, didn't you?" he asked as she took a bite of cake.

"Oh, Loki, you couldn't make a cake _with _me," she pointed out with a small smile. "So I'm fairly _sure _you wouldn't be able to make a cake _without _me."

"Well, we did," Loki said confidently.

Naomi just nodded. "Uh huh. You did a fantastic job, really," she smiled wryly.

"All in a day's work," Loki dismissed.

"I'm sure," she smirked as she reached forward and plucked a cake crumb from his hair.

Of course, what Tony, Thor, and Loki didn't know was that all the others had been watching from the security cameras. So, yes, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, Steve, and Naomi all knew of the cake fight and the many other misadventures of the cake-making attempt. And, of course, Loki, Thor, and Tony were quite unaware that the others knew about the fact that they had spent twenty good minutes of cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom before leaving the Tower to find a bake sale, buying a chocolate cake there, coming back to the Tower, and then painstakingly making the bake sale cake fit their cake pan. Well. Somethings should just stay unspoken. Especially in Stark Tower.

Tony, Thor, and Loki could have their so-called glory for now… the security footage might come in handy for use as blackmail later.

**Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: Lol you guys could totally see that coming, huh? The going out and buying a cake after the failure… still, I hope you found it funny, even if it was predictable central. Whew that was a lot of work just for a failed cake XD **

**So that's the last of Avengers Baking Cakes. I hope it was a fun little mini-series for you to read, and I hope you'll leave me a review, telling me how stupid it was. **

**Love you all and thanks for the support. See you around! **


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